Usually, when I work with a client, the content
of what we discuss is specific to just them. They come to me with a particular
problem, we define it and identify what they want as an outcome – and how they
know they will achieve it, and we go to work. I’ll typically use NLP,
hypnotherapy, other tools and combinations to help them get past the block they
created. Occasionally I’ll have a conversation that, when I reflect on it,
seems to have content that would benefit others. This is one of those times – I
hope you get something out of this message.
My client’s main problem was his insistence (or at least his choice
to focus) on focusing on what he lacked
rather than his worth; his lack of financial strength, lack of a relationship,
lack of a job he enjoyed… even the beginning of a lack of a sense of humor.
Somewhere in the process of the work I said, “On any given day what you have or
don’t have is not as important as the value you bring to the world… focus outward.”
He was stunned and still for several minutes. If this were a cartoon, smoke
would have been coming out of his ears.
You know how sometimes you say something and you notice it has an
impact on the person you are talking to? I’m not quite sure where that
statement came from but this was one of those moments, and I was fortunate
enough to write it down. So let me take a moment and unpack what I told my
client. Hopefully, you can gain value from the thoughts too.
For a moment, think about the people who inspire you. Think about
the people who, when you are around them, you feel good, secure, content,
happy, inspired, motivated, and up-lifted. Now consider this – when you talk to
those people, or even just listen to them speak; are they focused on the past
and their present problems, or are they focused forward on opportunities and
possibilities? Do they seem to talk about themselves or take a genuine interest
in others? Are they problem or solution oriented? In addition, how does all
this come across in their posture, movements, attention, etc?
One message my client got from our conversation was to “focus
outward.” He started to change his attention from himself (inward) to what he could offer his company, his clients, and
his friends and family (outward).
If you are experiencing a lack of money, health, etc., an inward
focus tends to keep your mind in the present (I don’t have fill in the blank)
and in the past (if only I did or didn’t do ______) You feel stuck as a result.
Other people notice it too.
Now, I am not saying that “fake it till you make it” is a permanent
fix to problems. Although, sometimes nagging little things do resolve
themselves with this approach.
When you choose to focus on the value
you can bring to the world (regardless of the size of the “world” – is it your
team, family, company or the planet?) you choose to focus outward and people
will notice. Others will want to connect to you because of your energy and
attitude. You will be one of the rare individuals who inspire others to feel
better – simply by your presence.
If you are managing people and focused outward, you are in the
mental frame of mind to influence your team in a way that is best for them, for
you, and for your company. Who knows, you may be the person who changes a life,
simply by focusing outward --- focusing on them.
OK, it all makes sense… until I get home… then the negatives hit me.
Funny isn’t it that so many times we can be positive and upbeat for
everyone except ourselves and our families. If this happens to you, I will ask
you to consider what it is that you do during the day that allows you to choose to be focused outward. Yes, I
said ‘to choose’ because it is your choice. It is your mind during the day just
as much as it is your mind when you get home. How do you do “focus outward” during
the day? What would happen of you were
to take some time each evening and think about the value you can bring to the
world (your world)… instead of thinking about the obstacles that are in front
of you? Perhaps the obstacles are just there to remind you to stop, slow down
and look forward and outward. Maybe the purpose of the challenges you have
today is to get you to think toward the future and about the value you bring,
rather than dwell on the past and the things you don’t have.
If you really want to have some fun… ask some of those people who
inspire you to share their philosophy of life. “How do you do it?” “What do you
say to yourself in the morning, during the day, when things get tough?” “How do
you take lessons from past mistakes and turn them into talents for today and
the future?”
Now, there’s a New Year’s challenge… sit down with a few people who
inspire you and learn how they do it. Respond to me with what you learn if
you’d like to, and I’ll post it (anonymously) for everyone’s benefit. Here’s to
focusing outward in 2009… and beyond.
